My 3 characters..

Did anyone, when they met their present girlfriend/boyfriend, tell the truth about what they did when first meeting them? It is the same when you are in a strange bar in a strange town where no one knows you, you make up a story about who you are and what you do for a living.

So when I am out trying to chat up women, rather than tell them I write crap little advertorials, have arguements over colour schemes and try and explain that sentences have one too many explosive syllables. Who is going to be interested in this tale of woe?

So my three characters when out on the tear are:

  1. I am a professional poker player. I get up around half nine and play on-line poker all day until 5 when, I can be over $10,000 richer. Never works, they tend to get a bit bored, I have yet to find a woman who likes poker.
  2. I write the true stories in pornographic and womens magazines. This is normally a very interesting two way conversation.
  3. I am a spark… Everyone needs a spark, throw in a couple of near death experiences, people tend to be impressed especially when you explain the top prong on a three pin plug. It’s earth and very rarely used, if your house burns down, don’t blame me.

The problem is, as a result of these characters, I cannot see them again if we exchange numbers, as I don’t know if they are impressed by my ability to listen to a conversation without looking at their cleavage or checking out the ass on the girl at the bar or impressed by my ability as a poker player/spark/porno fiction writer?

So, do I tell them at the end of the night as I say cheerio, in a text message the day after, just forget about her or try and live my life as a character from my invented reality?

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1 Comment

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One response to “My 3 characters..

  1. The online poker player thing implies that you sit at a computer all day, just like they probably do.
    I recommend swapping that persona for a croupier. Tell them that you get up in a tux four nights a week to deal blackjack and roulette to high rollers in Dublin.
    Tell them you make their wages in tips alone, that you’ve seen millions won and lost. Ham up the glamour.
    The job itself is actually shit, as I can personally testify, but by God is it a knickerdropper when you tell the ladies.

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